After an interesting morning and figuring I have nothing else to do for the rest of the day, I thought I'd talk about a few things in my journal.

First of all, on a possitive note, I was FINALLY able to pick up a copy of Retro Game Challenge. I already played through most of the Japanese version, but it's nice to understand a lot more of what's going on now (and it certainly makes the RPG portion MUCH easier to play. I didn't even know you could recrute monsters until now). All in all, a very well designed game for anyone who appreciates pre 90's game design. Buy it so they'll bring the sequel over here as well (that this game was translated at all was a big suprise).

I'll also mention here that while I have been posting art more regularly, real life might become very interesting in the next few weeks. That being said, I might be occupied with projects I may or may not be able to talk about here (but if I can and everything goes through I certainly will). I'll just say I've been given an opportunity to do something I've dreamed of since childhood.

On a whole other subject, I wouldn't mind talking about my character and some recent events. I'd rather you don't read this if it's something you don't care much about.

I'm sure one of his more defining features to most people is the fact my character wears a diaper. Fact of the matter is it's something that's been a part of his design for several years but the real reason isn't something a lot of people wouldn't suspect. It's a long story, but I'll try to condense it.

It first started in an RP room back in 2002 wherein my character was an off-shoot of Tails from the Sonic series (all too obvious). One day in a diaper was put on him to exact revenge against his father-in-law (another long story) and it turned into a running gag after that.

It was about this time I started taking drawing seriously and it found it's way into my art. It was here I found that it had a very polarizing effect on people. That is there was a very clear divide between those who didn't care, and those who thought it was the most abhorant thing in the world. Frankly I wish I could say I was exaggerating but it almost cost me my personal art thread in a community I was going to at the time, as well as a freind I'd known for years and been through some shit through calling me out as a sick freak.

I would have considered dropping it at that point but further examination showed me that those who made a big fuss about it were usually the kinds of people I wouldn't care to associate with anyway. The aformentioned freind turned out to be less then courteous when he demanded writing out of me the same week I was broken up from a girlfreind of four years, and responded with a 'yeah right!' when I told him I had other things on my mind then doing work for him.

I avoided stating this 'why' for the most part because it would effectively defeat it's purpose. It would be a too-the-face challenge of 'If you don't like me, you're not a good person!' and that wouldn't be fair to anybody. I can accept people who don't think it's all that cool, it's those who go to extremes mentioned above that I would get bothered with.

Of course why am I bothering mentioning this now if it's something I didn't want to mention in the first place? Well, this is where the 'recent events' come in.

Recently I received a requested peice of art of my character. Innocently enough, she had asked what the diaper was about. I responded in the post it'd be a long story and didn't want to take it any further since I thought it would be rather pointless to explain or make some BS excuse for it. However, after my post and while I was at work, two others took it upon themselves to explain the 'baby fur' side of things.

I should come clean at this point, yes for some time I was a part of the Baby Fur community, mostly doing art and such and generally partaking in the community as a member. No other details need to be given but I left awhile back due to an underwhelming sense of accomplishment, that is I never really got any critical feed-back that I wanted and felt my art kind of stagnated while I took all-too-similar requests over and over. If you ever want to piss off a Baby Fur artist who acctually wants to develop their art, just call it 'Cute'.

Back to the requested picture and comments. When I got home, I was quite upset to see what others had connotated as the reason for me requesting the picture. That they tied something like fetish-ism to it not only made me feel absolutly embarassed for myself, but also ashamed for what the original artist must have felt to have been 'used' in such a way. I prepared a note and sent it to the original artist explaining my real reasons, and everythings been cleared up now, but I feel I'm kind of at an impass here.

I admit I like my character as he is (mostly. I'm still fussy about some other niggling details), and I will say I find the diaper a little endearing and cute (damnit, there's that word again), but should I have to dread requesting any other pictures of him if I can expect comments like the above? Embarassing not only myself, but the source community?

I will say the Babyfur community usually gets more flak than it deserves. There are some genuinely good people there and those with a better heads on their shoulders than those who run around the net decrying everything that isn't what they call 'right'. I don't mind defending the community but stuff like this makes it really hard to do. I don't want to condemn the lot for the actions of two, but I felt that this is something that I should address.

If anyone wants to discuss this with me further, I'd much rather do it in private PM, or over instant messengers, rather then in the journal comments here. Not everyone wants to know the nitty-gritty of the whys or hows of this subject and we all deserve a right to privacy anyways. Any comments here about the subject will be hidden, or I'll simply move the journal off the front page if it gets out of hand.

A rather sullen topic to end this journal on. I'll promise a happier one in the future.

Tais out...